Insurance Jokes

An agent walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, a genie appeared.
I will grant you three wishes“, said the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.
The salesman thought about this for a while.
For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars“, he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000“, the genie said.
I’ve always wanted a Ferrari“, the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared.
But your rival has just received two Ferrari’s“, the genie said. “And what is your last wish“?
Well“, said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney“.
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Last night as I was sleeping, I died or so it seemed, then I went to heaven, but only in my dream. Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates.
He said: “I must check your record, please stand here and wait“.
He turned and said: “Your record is covered with terrible flaws. On earth, I see you rallied for every losing cause. I see that you drank alcohol and smoked and used drugs too. Fact is, you’ve done everything a good person should never do. We can’t have people like you up here, your life was full of sin“. Then he read the last of my record, took my hand and said: “Come in“.
He lead me up to the big boss and said: “Take him in and treat him well. He used to work in Insurance, he’s done his time in hell“.
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Two insurance salesmen were driving down a country road at high speed and passed a pickup truck with an old couple inside.
Look at those fools! Must be a couple of insurance salesman and they will surely meet their maker soon, I tell you“.
Well, sure enough, a little while later the couple comes across a bad accident involving the two insurance salesmen. “Well, we got to do what any good folk would do and give’m a decent burial“.
So the couple dug a hole and buried the insurance salesman. Just as they were putting their tools away, a cop drives up.
You folks see this accident?”
No sir, but we knew them dang fools were going to have it when they passed us doing a hunert miles an hour. Well, we finally come across the accident and gave them insurance salesman a decent burial.”
Are you sure that they were dead???”
Well, they said they weren’t, but you know how those insurance salesmen exaggerate!”
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My dinner party was headed for disaster. One man, an insurance salesman, was monopolizing the conversation with a lengthy account of recent litigation involving himself. Since two other guests were lawyers, I was becoming increasingly uneasy.
In the end“, the salesman concluded, “you know who got all the money?”
I cringed when he shouted “The lawyers!”
There was embarrassed silence at the table. My heart was pounding until the wife of one lawyer said: “Oh, I love a story with a happy ending!”
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A man is walking down the street smoking, drinking bourbon and swearing to himself. A preacher came over to him and dressed him down good. He finished with: “I´m 64 years old and I have never smoked, drank or swore!”
The man replied: “Yes, and you ain´t going to sell insurance either!”
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The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said: “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?”
I said: “Fire and theft“.
Insurance agent frowned. “Uh! Oh! Wrong kind! Should be fire OR theft“.
Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed WHILE it’s burning down.

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